Cleaning House

As applications season wears on, I find the task of dressing well increasingly frustrating. I have given up on my hair, altogether, and when I can avoid leaving the house, I wear whatever seems most comfortable, without much regard for appearance.

I will be glad when this task is over. Applications is largely a matter of regurgitating the past and projecting into the future. It leaves little room for the present applicant. Nonetheless, in some sense it feels like cleaning house. I have brought my accomplishments to the forefront and laid aside some old concepts about myself that no longer represent my current position in life. If it weren’t so heady and stressful, it would be quite a lot like what I am doing here. Except that what I am doing here is largely constructive. There is no looming deadline, no price to pay for being merely adequate in my performance, no sudden swings between the ecstasy of self-affirmation and the depths of frustration, no sudden bouts of dread or radical ambivalence.

But if it hurts, a little, it can be a great catalyst for change, yet another place of separation between the old and new. As it happens, I am house sitting, this week, and I will be gone to Canada, come Christmas, so there will be plenty of other things to distance me from my past, as well. But of course, that distance comes at a price. If I abandon this blog and its mission, during this stressful period, then that may well prevent me from returning to my goal with the same zeal I carried, earstwhile. Hence this blog entry, dull though it might be to read. I hope to be back with you soon, my as yet non-existent audience.

See ya! 😉


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